I got this feeling recently that I am over falling in love. I know it sounds bad but I believe that some people are just meant to be alone and maybe I am one of those people. I came across this revalation after talking to one of my good friends about a guy that I used to be all about.
This guy I wasn't even really about when I first met him. He was just cocky and ugh when I met him. Should of known it was bad news when he came with an ex. Well after we randomly hooked up and started talking more..I kinda started liking his cockyness and started liking him. At one point I thought that I fell in love with him. I would give him everything he would ask for because I thought that it would show that I cared about him. Let me tell you...that doesn't mean a thing because in the end he told me that I didn't make him happy and he was happier with this other girl. I was devastated at first but as time passed I just thought about it and let it go. Plus I am a better friend than a lover apparently because almost every guy I have done had something with...I am still really goodfriends with.
Anyways months later while talking to one of my girlfriends about him..she said, "Shay..I feel sorry for you. Why is it that you always are the one giving these dudes everything and they dont give you anything. But when it comes to other girls they are the first to give them something" so I told her "it's because all them girls are using those dudes for things and I was the actual hopeless romantic who wanted to be with the guy." That is when I realized I am the one that is always doing something for guys. Why can't I just have a normal guy who doesnt want or need something off me? And why is it that the gold digging girls are the ones that have the guys? Well I am not compromising my morals just to become a gold digger and get a guy so I am just meant to not be with anyone right now.
I have done the falling in love thing and it has all turned out badly and I honestly don't think that I have it in my heart to open up and get hurt yet again. I know I'm a good person..I just fall for the wrong guys. I dunno...Im just over it.
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